Red Flags vs. Gut Instinct: Trusting Yourself When “They’ll Grow Out of It” Isn’t Enough

“All kids do that.”

“It’s just a phase.”
“They’ll grow out of it.”
“My kid did that too — they’re fine now.”
“Boys will be boys.”
“She’s just shy.”
“Wow, he’s so busy!”

How many of us have heard one of these phrases when we bring up a concern about our child — looking for connection, validation, or support? If you’ve ever been brushed off with one of these comments, you’re not alone. These phrases can make parents feel dismissed, but often they’re a signal to look deeper, not step back.

Trusting Your Gut

Becoming a first-time mom during the height of a global pandemic was nothing short of challenging. I paused my career to focus on raising my little one, even after nearly 20 years working with kids — coaching, babysitting, teaching.But parenting my own child? That was entirely different.

At first, I leaned on friends who had done it before. Their amazing and loving advice got me through those early years — but at some point, I realized I needed more. The strategies that worked for other children weren’t working for mine, and I began to feel lost.

Following the Yellow Flags

Because of my background in special education, I knew how to advocate — and I started to trust my gut.

When my two-year-old began toe-walking, and at-home strategies didn’t help, I worked with his pediatrician to reach out to pediatric PT. When PT shared that his toe-walking was more sensory and vision-related, I sought out a developmental ophthalmologist — a specialist in how the eyes and brain work together, not just vision strength. New glasses in tow, the toe walking got better.

Soon after, I requested an occupational therapy (OT) evaluation — covered by insurance — to get more individualized, strategic support than what early intervention could provide at the time. This was something I knew how and why to do given my extensive special education background.

(EI is an amazing program, but it’s often stretched thin: long waitlists, staff turnover, and sometimes generalized services instead of specialists in the child’s specific area of need.)

Building a Team, Not Waiting It Out

I connected my son’s school team with his OT, ensuring the supports he needed were in place early. Then, before kindergarten, I requested an OT evaluation through the public school system so those services could start immediately — keeping momentum and regulation steady.

This process reaffirmed what I’ve always believed: early support and parent advocacy make all the difference.

Why This Matters

There were so many moments I wished I had a community that spoke the language of both parenting and developmental support — a place where “trust your gut” wasn’t just a saying, but a strategy.

Because the truth is:

“Yellow flags” matter.
Early strategies matter.
Dismissing our instincts can delay the help our kids need most.

Every parent deserves access to guidance that bridges the gap between general parenting advice and developmental understanding.

Red flags aren’t the only thing to notice — sometimes it’s the quiet gut feeling that deserves the loudest voice. 💛

What are Developmental Red and Yellow Flags

Developmental red and yellow flags are signs that a child isn’t meeting expected milestones in one or more developmental domains (e.g. motor, language, social, cognitive, adaptive).

They don’t always mean there is a disorder, but they indicate that further assessment or monitoring and support is warranted.

Early identification is critical: interventions are more effective the sooner they begin.

A particularly concerning sign is regression (losing a skill previously acquired) — this is an unequivocal red flag demanding urgent referral.

Here are some domains you might see yellow or red flags in….

Gross Motor / Motor
Crawling, walking, jumping, climbing, balance

Fine Motor / Adaptive / Manipulation
Grasping, stacking blocks, drawing, using utensils

Language / Communication
Babbling, using words, combining words into phrases, following instructions

Social / Emotional / Play / Behavior
Social interactions, pretend play, emotional regulation, interest in others

Cognitive / Problem-Solving / Adaptive
Understanding cause/effect, use of objects, problem-solving, adapting to environment

Sensory Integration
Over-responsive (hypersensitive), under-responsive (hyposensitive), sensory seeking/craving, vestibular/proprioceptive challenges, tactile/texture sensitivity, auditory/visual processing, regulation and attention

Two Hills I’ll Die On

1️⃣ Getting support does not mean there is something “wrong” with your child.
It’s about getting support early — providing both parent and child what they need to thrive, to feel regulated, and to feel successful.

2️⃣ No one has ever said, “I wish I waited longer instead of reaching out for services.”

Okay, I lied — three hills:

3️⃣ Every child and adult learn differently.
There is no one-size-fits-all. Differences should be celebrated, not brushed aside.

Research References

Early Identification of Developmental and Behavioral Problems — PMC3549694

Parental Awareness of Developmental Milestones and Red Flags — PMC10865706

Above are two research articles supporting the work in early intervention and development. The second study is particularly important — and it’s why I started Wildflower Parents. I had all of this knowledge from years of teaching special education, and I wished I had found a community with other parents navigating these same challenges,— helping them know what I knew while also feeling supported and not alone, along the way. 🌸